Great book title.
Damage Done began at an early age.
I believed the adults who told me that my vibrant personality was problematic.
I began to believe that being happy bright verbal and curious was not as valuable as being good at math, or vacuuming the floor perfectly.
Being able to cut veggies ( the right way) into a perfect veggie tray was also superior to loving people and not being resentful and stressed out all the time.
Do you get the picture?
Doing is better than being.
AND Doing certain things a certain way ( the RIGHT way)
is MUCH better than being good at things that, well...
just don't matter.
When thinking for yourself is not valued,
a void is created.
If I believe that my thinking skills are impaired,
I will be indecisive, and fearful of making a mistake with every thing I do.
Where does one get the impression
that every imperfection is a fatal flaw?
No, . . . SERIOUSLY.
Where did I get the belief
that I Am Responsible for Anything that goes wrong?
Yep.
Damage Done.
Afraid to choose.
Afraid to offer to bake something for the kids bake sale.
Afraid that I wasn't being a "good enough" parent.
Afraid that if ANYTHING goes wrong,
it will be because of something I Did,
or because of something I Didn't do...
. . . . "The Right Way"
Book Title:
Damage Done
Reality.
Damage?... DONE!
Done.
Over.
Gone.
Let's revisit that phrase "Good Enough".
THAT was the Motto of my birth mom
Joan Weinert-Green.
Or Greenie as her late in life tattoo stated.
My dad Joe ran off with my moms best friend
when my sister & I were 2 1/2 and 5 years old.
He took us with.
IMAGINE...
Its 1963
Your husband leaves you for your best friend
and takes her, her daughter and YOUR 2 daughters to Vegas
divorces you, gets a quickie wedding, and gets custody of your girls.
WOW......
Devastating right???
My Mom said that she should have had an OSCAR NOMINATION for the theatrics she did.
The Sobbing, The frantic phone calls, the clutching of her chest yelling " He Stole My Babies!!!!"
She was relieved.
She "knew" she wasn't mom material.
My dad had pushed her into having kids.
She loved us enough to know we'd be just fine with the new 'brady bunch" situation.
After all...
She never was a "good enough" parent in my dads eyes.
Good enough!
Her mantra that helped her survive and thrive even through her Polish /Catholic (and then Polish/Baptist)background.
So... YES. Relief.
Relief that her husband had kidnapped her kids and she was now on her way to living a genuine and authentic life.
She knew we were safe with her best friend, ( the Betty Friggin' Crocker or Martha Stewart of her day). And my dad was a good guy... no worries there...
" Good Enough ".
She went on to L I V E an amazing life.
So... My Mantra regarding anything I do for the next 30 days???
GOOD ENOUGH!
NO more feeling ultra responsible for things over which I truly have no control.
No More trying to fix or get understanding over the unfixable.
No More dissecting things from every angle when it comes to other peoples lives and how I may have impacted them.
MORE knowing my intentions were Good Enough.
MORE knowing my actions, decisions or limitations are not life altering in the extreme way I sometimes feel they are.
MORE remembering that I Believe I have a Dad, who "just happens" to be God. He Loves those I care about even more than I do, and is FULLY ABLE to be life for them.
Ultimately...Nothing is wasted,
Ultimately...Everything is survivable,
Ultimately...Embrace Change,
Ultimately...Good Enough is not just settling,
It's Freedom.
Love and delight
Clarity of purpose, and PEACE OF MIND
to YOU and those you love,
JOY
