PutJoyInYourLife.com

Damage Done.   

Great book title.

Damage Done began at an early age.

I believed the adults who told me that my vibrant personality was problematic.

I began to believe that being happy bright verbal and curious was not as valuable as being good at math, or vacuuming the floor perfectly.

Being able to cut veggies ( the right way) into a perfect veggie tray was also superior to loving people and not being resentful and stressed out all the time.

Do you get the picture?

Doing is better than being.

AND Doing certain things a certain way  ( the RIGHT way)

is MUCH better than being good at things that, well...

just don't matter.

When thinking for yourself is not valued,

a void is created.

If  I believe that my thinking skills are impaired,

I will be indecisive, and fearful of making a mistake with every thing I do.

Where does one get the impression 

that every imperfection is a fatal flaw?

No, . . . SERIOUSLY.

Where did I get the belief 

that I Am Responsible for Anything that goes wrong?

Yep.

Damage Done.

Afraid to choose.

Afraid to offer to bake something for the kids bake sale.

Afraid that I wasn't being a "good enough" parent.

Afraid that if ANYTHING goes wrong, 

it will be because of something I Did, 

or because of something I Didn't do... 

. . . . "The Right Way"

Book Title:

Damage Done

Reality.

Damage?... DONE!

Done. 

Over. 

Gone. 

Let's revisit that phrase "Good Enough".

THAT was the Motto of my birth mom

Joan Weinert-Green.

Or Greenie as her late in life tattoo stated.

My dad Joe ran off with my moms best friend 

when my sister &  I were  2 1/2 and 5 years old.

He took us with.

IMAGINE...

Its 1963

Your husband leaves you for your best friend

and takes her, her daughter and YOUR 2 daughters to Vegas

divorces you, gets a quickie wedding, and gets custody of your girls.

WOW......

Devastating right???

My Mom said that she should have had an OSCAR NOMINATION for the theatrics she did.

The Sobbing,  The frantic phone calls, the clutching of her chest yelling  " He Stole My Babies!!!!"

She was relieved.

She "knew" she wasn't mom material.

My dad had pushed her into having kids.

She loved us enough to know we'd be just fine with the new 'brady bunch" situation. 

After all... 

She never was a "good enough" parent in my dads eyes.

Good enough!

Her mantra that helped her survive and thrive even through her Polish /Catholic (and then Polish/Baptist)background.

So... YES. Relief.

Relief that her husband had kidnapped her kids and she was now on her way to living a genuine and authentic life.

She knew we were safe with her best friend, ( the Betty Friggin' Crocker or Martha Stewart of her day). And my dad was a good guy...  no worries there...

" Good Enough ".

She went on to  L I V E  an amazing life.

So...  My Mantra regarding anything I do for the next 30 days???

GOOD ENOUGH!

NO more feeling ultra responsible for things over which I truly have no control.

No More trying to fix or get understanding over the unfixable.

No More dissecting things from every angle when it comes to other peoples lives and how I may have impacted them.

MORE knowing my intentions were Good Enough.

MORE knowing my actions, decisions or limitations are not life altering in the extreme way I sometimes feel they are.

MORE remembering that I Believe I have a Dad, who "just happens" to be God.   He Loves those I care about even more than I do, and is FULLY ABLE to be life for them.

Ultimately...Nothing is wasted,

Ultimately...Everything is survivable,

Ultimately...Embrace Change,

Ultimately...Good Enough is not just settling,

It's Freedom.

Love and delight

Clarity of purpose, and PEACE OF MIND

to YOU and those you love,

JOY

DEATH

Another part of LIFE

From the moment the urine on the dollar store pregnancy test shows a positive result, there is evidence of a life. 

Unless the circumstances of the pregnancy are traumatic or inopportune or related to someone one would rather not be  co- parenting with... This new person is announced, awaited, and ultimately celebrated at their birth.  

That is a fact.

That's just how we roll.

Everything from the first ultrasound to the first kicking and movement is documented celebrated and shared

Later comes first words first steps first solid foods...
Again we watch and ooooh and aaaah  over all these "firsts".
First day of school first time riding a bike and later... the first dance,   getting braces on then taken off...( both celebrated)   the first time driving the family car. check check check and check

yep

all celebrated and memorialized
in pictures and even in the Christmas newsletter to the family.

Acceptance to college...
Graduations weddings first Apartments, first home Purchased, first babies and grand babies...
And all that come after.

There is the first job the first paycheck
and eventually for some.... retirement.

More grand babies...and trips...

Downsizing and milestone birthdays and anniversaries with friends and family close.

We celebrate every stage and milestone, every victory and challenge faced throughout a persons life.

And yet...when we enter our final event of our physical existence in this body...our death...our being set free from this world and its limitations... We look away.

We pray for the person to either stay longer...
or we pray for a "good death"
A peaceful passing. 

And so often...we look away.

When an older man cries over a war that ended eons ago or over people long past its easy to say  
"It's OK. Don't cry.".

But he finds comfort in honoring them with his tears.

When the man who shared her breath, and table and bed is breathing his last breath, it is a Holy moment, not one to avert
her eyes from.

Lets Celebrate the entirety of a life lived...

With laughter and tears, with stories and sobs
and yes..
even with groans of agony if the parting be truly painful as in the loss of a child or even a much loved loyal pet.

But let's Rock The Space We're In
by not looking away at that moment of Life that means as much as all the others.

Love and delight
Clarity and peace of mind
To You and those you Love,
JOY

BRAGGING RIGHTS

BRAGGING.

Powerful word.

It's likely you had a visceral reaction 
to seeing that word.
A reaction involving feelings, 
not necessarily your intellect.

Someone, (maybe you)
just felt a sibling,
a team mate,
a friend,
or a co-worker,
shoving their report card,
their home run,
or their big promotion
to the corner office
in your face.

Someone
just saw the look of pride
on a parent or spouse's,
or date's face
as they told another person
about one of your qualities
or accomplishments.

How did that feel?

Good?
(because they were
genuinely appreciating your talent,
your achievement,
or gifts and abilities?)

Or did it make you feel
pressured
to keep "measuring up"?

Were they bragging
because of their wonder
at the amazing human being
and soul that you are?
Or
was there a tinge of  yucky-ness 
at the way telling about YOUR success
made THEM look good.

Bragging strikes
different people,
different ways,
at different times,
for different reasons.

I want to SHARE
BRAGGING RIGHTS with YOU.

But lets call today's experience...
Bragging RIGHT.

A few times this week
I had the experience of being assisted at the library on the computers.
First by Terry,
then by Tony,
and then again today by Tony
and then on my own computer being updated by Terry.
These two guys have been so helpful.

Two weeks ago Terry did
a 2 hour class on computers.
It was basic, and clear,
and well presented,
and I learned a lot.

I learned so much from that experience that I felt compelled to call his supervisor, and Brag about him.

I told this man details about how knowledgeable Terry was,
but also about his
really terrific interpersonal skills
that gave those of us in the class
the ability to feel more confident,
as well as free to ask questions about things we did not understand.

As I bragged about Terry
I told this man that in all
my years of using computers at my job,
no one had really ever showed me
how to understand and use them properly.

In the past, when I did venture a question someone who was more skilled always quickly DID the task and walked away. This "help" only left me floundering each time I had to re-attempt that same task.

I got a chance to BRAG about Terry
as a skilled instructor,
AND as a compassionate human being.

"Bragging Right"  (to me)
means focusing on the persons awesomeness...
(not on my seeming inadequacies.)

Bragging Right
is about complementing
not just what someone does,
but who they are,
and "how" they did it.

Not just what they look like,
but how they "look" at others.

Not just what they accomplished,
but the graciousness,
the effort and knowledge,
the care and compassion,
and the skill and patience
that they brought to the task.

Bragging Right
is not about what a smart or beautiful grand baby we "have"
but about the wonder
and the delight
of getting to spend time
with this sweet little human
being.

Bragging Right is
focusing and commenting
on someone else's smile
and not our own weight or wrinkles.

Its about cheering
for their many hours
and weeks
of practice or studying,
rather than exclusively
about their position in the race
or the place they ranked
in their class.

Bragging Right can be
verbally appreciating
someone
who is usually treated as
a "phone-drone"
with the utility company,
even if they seemingly didn't
do anything extraordinary,
other than their job.

This week
lets take Bragging Rights
to a whole new level.

It's fun and freeing
to put our eyes
and our words to good use.

And for some one that encounters you,
it just may be the first time
they've ever been bragged on,

for Being a human being,

instead of for being

a human
do-ing.

Rock the Space You're In!

Love and Peace of Mind,
Delight, and Clarity of Purpose,
To you and those you love,
JOY




 

THERE. I SAID IT.

There.
I Said It.
On paper.
To the person it needed to be said to.

For years we can say things to friends, or to co-workers, or to God,
thinking that we will get clarity, or courage, or validation.

There are hundreds of reasons 
NOT to say things directly.
(and ALL of them are based in fear)

Maybe the person will be hurt, or angry or unreasonable.

In a career related situation we just may hear something that we didn't want to believe, 
(like asking for a dollar raise and finding out you are only valued at a three cent raise.)

In a relationship situation you may not want to realize that                   
"He's Just Not That Into You!"

And finally in some situations
we don't want to face that                         "This is as good
as it's ever going to  get".

So...
Directness.
I've experienced the beauty of that tonight.

Directness is empowering
and honest, brave, and freeing.  

Vague is Painful.
Vague is Wimpy.
Vague is often deceitful.
Vague is enslaving.
Vague dishonors the other person as well, by assuming ( sometimes rightly so)
that they will not handle directness well.

Perhaps they have a history of dismissing you.    (move on)

Perhaps they will let you know how little they value you.   (move on)

Perhaps they will no longer want to be in a relationship with you.  (move on)

Perhaps they will attempt to manipulate your feelings or blame you,  (move on)

Are we seeing a pattern here?

Directness is only available to us when we have confidence that We ARE of Extreme Value and have purpose that is not dependent on the will or whims of others.

Vagueness was changing me into a bit of a drama queen who was unable to focus on what really matters.
(Thanks to the gentle DIRECTNESS of my closest friends,  that's so Done.)

Are YOU being VAGUE in ANY area of your life?  Well... in quite a few areas in my life it has taken me much longer than I care to admit.

My New Motto is:
"Suck it up Buttercup!!!"

Lay it on the line!
Get On With Living!!!
Spit it out!
Ask it!
Ask FOR it!!
Say It!!!
and if they sit there
pretending they just don't "get it"....
Spell it out on PAPER...
and Move ON.

Directness closes doors
that are meant to close,
and opens doors
that you were created to walk through!

Rock The Space You're In  this week
by being DIRECT, and let me know how that worked for you.

Love and Delight
Clarity and Peace of Mind
to you and those you love,
JOY



 

WORKING FOR WHO?

Ending the evening in peace.
Reconnected to myself 
and to those 
who truly matter in my life at this time.

Music shared by Sharon
An orchid from Val
Adventures from Kris
And time ahead with Brenda tomorrow that like today's time spent also reminds me that my life is meaningful and purposeful and touches others.

When one does not have a  "9 to 5"
it would be easy to believe that provision and salvation come from the security of having someone to work for and a manager to direct us for whatever hourly wage they would choose to value us at.

Believe that I do not take my freedom lightly.  I live day by day not knowing exactly who will need what I have to offer, and when they will need me.

I spend some parts of my day checking on and spending quality time with my friends parents.
Other parts of my day I am creating singing telegram deliveries to verbally value clients loved ones. 
and parts of my day I spend in wonder 
as I find supernatural direction to be right where I am and available to someone, often at a moments notice.   

 I am always trusting for the work and provision of things that some never need to give a second thought to.

Yet today,  I stopped at my husband Ricks grave, and had time to wander and look at graves all over that section of the cemetery.

Didn't know why I was being drawn to walk and wander till I saw that among the many graves of elderly souls or ancient historical markers, there were grave after grave of souls who had died as youngsters.  
Some actually had photos on the stones.   By the dates some were stillborn or lived only days months or a year or so, while others had passed in their teens.
Whether from illness or sorrow with living,
each one left behind others who likely still feel and grieve their loss deeply.

SO... although I do not have 
"a responsible job 
with a reliable hourly wage 
or a consistent bi-monthly paycheck"...
I Was Free  to spend part of my day today being present to the lives of  and celebrating the spirits of these precious departed ones, and sending prayers and blessings to those who love and miss them. 

This journey began there and culminated with thoughts of those I've met over 50 years who have suffered the same types of loss.

Responsibility is to be valued,
and effort and sweat are noble,
but I am looking forward to continually becoming even more available to go whatever distance it takes to assist, love, encourage, comfort, validate, or wash the feet of the weary and lonely.

 I sat outside walmart tonight, while a friend ran in to get a few things,
I noticed that the employees leaving at 10PM and those arriving were all wearing Navy blue t- shirts with a HUGE yellow Asterisk (  *  )  stamped on their back right between their shoulders.
(  It is right where I used to get pinched nerves in my back when I worked retail.)

While I am hopeful it is just a designation they must wear to be more visible to the customers needing their service, and not a stamp of ownership. It does feel much like a corporate mark placed upon overworked and undervalued slaves.

Thankfully delighting in the One who owns my heart and Who I work for.
I love being available when you or He calls.

Love and Peace of mind,
Delight and Clarity of purpose,
to you and those you love,
JOY




    

MORNING MUSIC

MORNING MUSIC

Waking for years to music and dancing.

then

waking for years to silence

and then the sound of the television

news

weather

commercials interspersed between reporters and anchors exchanging pleasantries while planes crash into buildings, fires tornadoes and earthquakes ravage peoples towns and murders rapes and poverty ravage their lives....

" Good Morning Rhonda!"

"Good Morning Harry!

157 lives were lost today in the worst natural tragedy ever... Now back to you in the studio for celebrity news!"

Years of leaving my house quiet so as not to thoughtlessly wake someone else.

Well, GOOD MORNING JOY!!!

Sister Hazel on my boom box and dancing and stretching and moving with 

MUSICAL MORNING ABANDON!

Time to get back in the spirit of our childlike self who moved and shook and twirled 

un selfconsciously whether there was music on or not.

Today and every day that I woke to music and movement, I thrived.

Never knew Sister Hazel before my friend  shared...but whether your current groove is Taylor Swift, Bruce Springsteen, Miranda Lambert, or Vivaldi, Let's Crank up the volume on our lives by getting up and moving what we have, as well as we are physically able.

( Who remembers the show  Sit And Be Fit?

That lady had the right idea. Oh what even a tiny bit of toe tapping can do for the soul)

Love and Peace of Mind,

Delight, and Clarity of Purpose,

to you and those you love,

JOY

TARNISHED

TARNISHED

I am wearing a pin today.
It is shaped like star.
a quirky, silver, 3 and a 1/2 inch star.

It sat in my drawer for years
and was worn occasionally.

It was tarnished.
But I liked it
and I wore it.

If I ordered a steak medium
and it was served well done,
I could eat and enjoy it

If a friend showed up 40 minutes after we'd planned to meet for coffee,
Id be sitting there relishing the peace,
or the people watching or a good book.
and then thoroughly enjoy my visit with them.

If it rains instead of being sunny out,
I enjoy the clean smell of it washing over my day.

You get that I am low maintenance,
and for the most part that ability has served me well in life

Back to the star pin.

I took a couple of my moms rings to Brad at Rogers and Hollands Jewelers before wearing them.
(I had lost a stone from an older ring in the past and it had been uninsured.)

After Brad had cleaned and assessed the wearability of the rings, he said
"Let me see that star pin"

He took it for a couple minutes and when he returned it was shining so brightly that tears ran down my cheeks.

The GIFT Brad gave me in that moment was the realization that while the ability to be content, and grateful for life's kindnesses, and being low maintenance has served me well in a lot of ways,

My LIFE like that star pin doesn't have to remain tarnished.

It was designed to Shine
and completely reflect
all of the light and beauty around it.

I will still find enjoyment in serendipitous moments, challenges, and things that are just not on my favorite things list, but...

 Thank You Brad.
I will no longer ever SETTLE for tarnished
in my life
in my health
in my relationships
in my finances
in my career
in my surroundings.
Because I know that BRILLIANCE is always possible!

Lets all ROCK THE SPACE WE'RE IN
this week, by using a bit of spiritual, physical, nutritional or mental Tarn-X
or whatever works for you,
on what ever is making our lives dingy or blurred or less than the degree of dazzling we want to experience in any  moment.

Love and Peace of Mind,
DELIGHT, and Clarity of Purpose,
to You and those you love,
JOY

You. (YES...YOU!!!)

It has been way too long since we have been together dear ones.
When you lose your connections with people who you are truly connected with, heart to heart, and  with spirit ties, it is easy to forget who you are and lose the best parts of yourself.
Since we have been apart, I have lost my smile, my laughter, and my tendency to see the best in everything and everyone.
Amazingly it has taken less than a year for me to lose the wonderful, optimistic creative loving person that I was, and become an angry hurting invisible shell of a human being.
Well,... I'm back now... And ready to be the person I was created to be. Free, and full of love , and appreciation  for the life I am given each day.
I have been spending what time I have,  reconnecting with people who I have shared life with in positive ways.
From today forward, I will be doing life, with people who are desiring and intending to live with integrity and love toward myself and others around them.
You...( Yes YOU! ) are one of those people.
Join us back here at bordering on magnificent.com to regularly be part of a journey that brings the opportunity to experience being more aware of valuing and validating those around us.
Rock the space you are in today by making eye contact with those who matter to you.

OPPORTUNITIES

  The craziest thing can open a door.

Starting Over

Tonight I am
Starting Over.
Beginning again.
Creatively Continuing....
Etc.